So I bought a bunch of new workout gear, teal and green shoes, neon shirts and shorts - the works…I’ve sat down and mapped out my plan and I have more than an abundance of time to accomplish it during my day. I finally have absolutely no excuses which is great…but I’m fucking terrified. Either I’m terrified or comfortable (comfortable mentally, emotionally ect, for sure not the structure of my clothes on my body)…maybe even some of both. I’ve used more ellipses and bad grammar than I have ever used in one paragraph in my entire life - an insight maybe into how much my brain is just absolutely with it’s tail between it’s legs. “I’ll start tomorrow, it’s too hot (it is 100 here everyday which would require me to rub around 6 in the morning - beauty sleep interruption), I’ll wait until the junk food is gone so there’s no temptation” ugh I just don’t want to slip again. I know how much I hate working out, how much I hate dieting, how much I question the legitimacy of fads and pills and teas. I’m as heavy as I was before Ty left for bootcamp and I know this is going to be a long, hard, and annoying process. I’ve fought with weight all my life and it’s just a roller coaster and I want to get off. Some days I wish I was morbidly obese so I could be as lazy as I wanted and eat as much as I wanted without fucking questioning every little thing. Is that awful of me? I have about 40 lbs to lose to be at the weight I want. Isn’t there a lamp I can rub somewhere? Please? I’m pathetic.
Ugh I want Cuddy and House together so badlyyyy!